ONE

Dear Lila,

  I am not a person that uses fancy words or knows exactly how to write things down to make it perfect, but I wanted to write this letter to you. Today you are turning ONE!

  The past year has been the most amazing of my life. The day you joined our family was a little bit crazy, the pain was hard, the surgery was not what I had planned on, but the moment I saw you I was in love. I didn't get to hold you at first with my shaking body, but I still knew that you were everything I imagined in my perfect baby.  Your dark brown hair and nearly black eyes looked so innocent and so unsure of what was around and I knew that you were mine to protect, love, care for, and be someone from whom I could learn. When I finally got to hold you I felt complete. My heart grew 10 times bigger and has continued to grow.
   The next day, when I saw your smile, I began to imagine all the beautiful memories we would make together. Friends and family came to visit and see the new angel that came to Earth. You were so fresh from Heaven and the spirit that came with you was so strong. I knew that you had been sent from a loving Heavenly Father. I know it's something that you don't yet understand, but you strengthened my testimony that day. You reminded me of the beautiful blessings that come with this life. You taught me that God is good!
   After a few days we brought you to our little home in Pleasant Grove. I will admit, I was nervous about your first night away from the hospital, I was nervous about your first bath, I was nervous that you wouldn't want me to be the one to feed you, and I was nervous that I would fail as a mother. I made it through the first night, the first bath, the hard times of breastfeeding, and I'm still working on being a good mother to you.
   In no time you were one month old, then two, and then I had to return to work. The first day was the hardest! I couldn't stop thinking about you, but I knew you were in the best hands with your daddy. He sent me pictures of you to help me stay calm. You looked so sweet and at peace at home. It never became completely easy to leave you, but you grew in strength, personality, and love and I was at peace.
   Halloween was celebrated and you were a cute little witch. We went to Nebraska for Thanksgiving and you still had a smile on your face after a 15 hour drive. Christmas time came around and you slept through most of your first Christmas day. I didn't care though because it was our first Christmas as a little family and you still made it perfect. You loved the tree, the presents, and your pajamas when you were awake to enjoy them. Through all of the holidays over your first year, you were a star.

   On Sunday we celebrated your first birthday with our family around. I made you a giant cupcake and you didn't know what to do at first. I pushed your hand in it and you cried (I'm sorry), but in no time you were enjoying that cake. The mess, the smiles, the presents, the bath, the pictures all made it a perfect day.
   My sweetest Lila, the amount you have learned and grown this year is incredible. You've learned to hold up your head, to sit up, to roll over, to crawl, to stand, to walk, to laugh, to smile, to clap your hands, to talk, to eat real food, to love, to bring joy to others, and to show us the amazing little girl you are and will continue to be. I love you with all of my heart. You were the scariest and best decision of my life. Just like your daddy, you are "my everything".

                                                                     Forever yours,
                                                                            Mom